I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
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I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
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Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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