just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
