What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
