I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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