Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
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I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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