i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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