let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
