I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
