Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think people are normalizing furries
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
