there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
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They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
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And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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