Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
