"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
