Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
