Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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