love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
