Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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