I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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