thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
