apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
