I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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