i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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