I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize