Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
