she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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