Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
