I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
