I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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