It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
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I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
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I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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