She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i now understand why vodka
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
