Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
