We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
