She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
