Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
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Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
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I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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