I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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