remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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