i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
This baby is an asshole
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize