tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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