She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I want to fling myself into the sun
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
