having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..