This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
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Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
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Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.