Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
