i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals