Texts From Last Night

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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.

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  (541): I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that. http://tfl.nu/itf1
  Replies (29) Good night (2363) Bad night (542)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.

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  (603): I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera. http://tfl.nu/u22v
  Replies (28) Good night (721) Bad night (2306)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest

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  (518): Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest http://tfl.nu/34vq
  Replies (12) Good night (2704) Bad night (733)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.

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  (954): God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through. http://tfl.nu/ylm6
  Replies (28) Good night (748) Bad night (4333)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.

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  (919): Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride. http://tfl.nu/6akp
  Replies (4) Good night (6698) Bad night (952)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.

  (315): View more from New York

  You would pick up a guy in AA.

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  (443): He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me. (315): You would pick up a guy in AA. http://tfl.nu/v9fc
  Replies (12) Good night (3751) Bad night (919)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  I will probably be peed on at some point today.

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  (469): I will probably be peed on at some point today. http://tfl.nu/flw0
  Replies (6) Good night (844) Bad night (2363)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake

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  (270): no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake http://tfl.nu/nyba
  Replies (5) Good night (2366) Bad night (730)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"

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  (603): My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage" http://tfl.nu/888s
  Replies (2) Good night (1767) Bad night (584)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.

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  (972): Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention. http://tfl.nu/nbnk
  Replies (21) Good night (675) Bad night (2585)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.

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  (570): I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club. http://tfl.nu/5u2s
  Replies (13) Good night (1302) Bad night (969)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.

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  (412): I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine. (412): Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out. http://tfl.nu/kfiz
  Replies (4) Good night (1513) Bad night (363)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.

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  (323): Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud. http://tfl.nu/58eq
  Replies (10) Good night (2573) Bad night (396)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.

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  (786): When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock. http://tfl.nu/2333
  Replies (3) Good night (627) Bad night (203)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....

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  (317): I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong.... http://tfl.nu/btjr
  Replies (2) Good night (395) Bad night (205)

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