Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(919): View more from North Carolina

please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys

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(719): View more from Colorado

Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.

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(330): View more from Ohio

he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.

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(407): View more from Florida

I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(316): View more from Kansas

Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.

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(210): View more from Texas

Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.

(1-405): View more from Oklahoma

How high are you?

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.

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