Texts From Last Night

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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.

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  (724): And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after. http://tfl.nu/p612
  Replies (38) Good night (6069) Bad night (992)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?

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  (978): is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl? http://tfl.nu/dwko
  Replies (47) Good night (5657) Bad night (930)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.

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  (512): My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context. http://tfl.nu/nfjx
  Replies (26) Good night (6383) Bad night (1256)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position

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  (205): Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position http://tfl.nu/050n
  Replies (3) Good night (1106) Bad night (2004)
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  (537): View more from

  I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.

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  (537): I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby. http://tfl.nu/uudp
  Replies (8) Good night (1937) Bad night (614)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.

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  (973): I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian. http://tfl.nu/8wfu
  Replies (10) Good night (2129) Bad night (633)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Stop drinking before 5

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Easier said than done

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  (651): Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies (612): Stop drinking before 5 (651): Easier said than done http://tfl.nu/j7cm
  Replies (3) Good night (1563) Bad night (851)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.

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  (561): There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow. http://tfl.nu/9y2p
  Replies (5) Good night (2050) Bad night (722)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.

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  (773): Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass. http://tfl.nu/m2gp
  Replies (6) Good night (1453) Bad night (648)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED

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  (507): THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED http://tfl.nu/xpsw
  Replies (10) Good night (697) Bad night (1449)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.

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  (513): Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me. http://tfl.nu/sfml
  Replies (2) Good night (1181) Bad night (431)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger

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  (913): My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger http://tfl.nu/nsuk
  Replies (2) Good night (740) Bad night (368)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.

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  (780): In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far. http://tfl.nu/dhez
  Replies (4) Good night (722) Bad night (381)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...

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  (440): he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month... http://tfl.nu/b4al
  Replies (0) Good night (395) Bad night (1031)
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  (760): View more from California

  Mom just told me I need to start having sex.

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  (760): Mom just told me I need to start having sex. http://tfl.nu/r76g
  Replies (4) Good night (587) Bad night (423)

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