Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
