I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus