so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
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I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
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And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.