Texts From Last Night

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  (775): View more from Nevada

  You're the end to all my bad dreams.

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?

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  (775): You're the end to all my bad dreams. (702): Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again? http://tfl.nu/buiw
  Replies (6) Good night (832) Bad night (2036)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is

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  (314): we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke. (1-314): i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is http://tfl.nu/c6uw
  Replies (26) Good night (2537) Bad night (574)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Are you trying to threaten my boobs?

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  (402): Are you trying to threaten my boobs? http://tfl.nu/zkua
  Replies (17) Good night (3159) Bad night (987)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.

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  (615): I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line. http://tfl.nu/o0b8
  Replies (5) Good night (4327) Bad night (1461)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus

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  (817): 90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus http://tfl.nu/i6dy
  Replies (15) Good night (8191) Bad night (1070)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.

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  (219): She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over. http://tfl.nu/obg8
  Replies (21) Good night (4259) Bad night (1425)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  That's yours. We cut you off.

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  (715): Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off? (651): That's yours. We cut you off. http://tfl.nu/7df9
  Replies (3) Good night (3968) Bad night (965)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.

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  (314): She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now. http://tfl.nu/r0t6
  Replies (13) Good night (2861) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.

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  (765): He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26. http://tfl.nu/98vv
  Replies (22) Good night (2307) Bad night (1062)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.

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  (517): Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember. http://tfl.nu/2slr
  Replies (13) Good night (2639) Bad night (770)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?

  (714): View more from California

  Whatever it is you failed

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  (562): I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean? (714): Whatever it is you failed http://tfl.nu/fjub
  Replies (10) Good night (1015) Bad night (1982)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.

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  (479): Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing. http://tfl.nu/uted
  Replies (2) Good night (1076) Bad night (311)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.

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  (760): I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris. http://tfl.nu/t6ww
  Replies (4) Good night (543) Bad night (241)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.

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  (+44): i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage. http://tfl.nu/jfp9
  Replies (1) Good night (693) Bad night (301)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.

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  (727): Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers. http://tfl.nu/8gxv
  Replies (1) Good night (623) Bad night (144)

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