That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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