You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
