Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
