You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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