Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This baby is an asshole
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
