end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
