The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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