There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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