I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
