Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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