dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize