there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
