jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
