That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
