he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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