Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
