she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
