Sponge bath it is.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
