This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
