Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
