im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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