At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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