I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
